Nobody knows rejection better than high school students, especially high school seniors applying to college; they face the most rejection and likely think about it most, which significantly contributes to its impact on stress and mental health. It’s not just in academics; high schoolers also face rejection in social and romantic contexts.

Tokugawa Ieyasu once said, “Harm will befall one who knows only success and has never experienced failure.” But with the pressure of building your entire future at 17 years old, people are starting to deal with rejection in a very emotionally heavy way.

The Basics Behind

The brain processes emotional pain using the same neural networks it uses for physical pain. Here are the two main parts of the brain that are activated in the process:

• Dorsal Anterior Cingulate Cortex (dACC)
• Anterior Insula

Neuroscientists using fMRI scans discovered that when people experience social rejection, the dACC and anterior insula activate. “As far as your brain is concerned, a broken heart is not so different from a broken arm” (Weir). There is more neural somatosensory overlap of physical pain and social rejection than initially thought, or taught.

“Those reports backed by an MRI study… found that people who had taken acetaminophen daily for three weeks had less activity in the pain-related brain regions when rejected in Cyberball, in contrast to those taking a placebo (Psychological Science, 2010)” (Weir).

This is what people mean when they say physical health is mental health.

In addition, repeated rejection decreases the release of a protein called BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor), which encourages the growth of new synapses and supports the function of existing neurons. Studies have shown that “reduced levels of BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor) were found in the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex in rodent models after exposure to different types of stress. Post-mortem analyses also reveal reduced BDNF levels in these areas in the brains of patients with depression” (Chakrapani).

In addition, BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor), a protein that encourages the growth of new synapses and supports the function of existing neurons, decreases in areas such as the hippocampus, which is responsible for emotional regulation, when exposed to high-intensity psychosocial rejection. This symptom is also present in patients with diagnosed depression and is typically associated with decreased neuroplasticity (Bathina).

Despite being one of the most “advanced species on the planet,” the majority of human functions ultimately root deep down in very simple processes – rejection is a sentiment that is rooted in discomfort and fear, meaning that naturally, our systems will wire us to avoid it because the Amygdala (the brain's fear center) triggers a spike in stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline throughout our body. Our brain evolved to make sure we cared deeply about staying connected to others; the pain of rejection originated from a survival mechanism to keep us from wandering off alone and therefore dying. Even though getting rejected from a college will not actually kill us (I know, shocking), the rudimentary functions behind this feeling will make it feel that way.

This is the opposite of what I personally thought failure did for our brain, since almost everybody was always saying, “you learn more from failure than from success.” So why is it decreasing my neuroplasticity?

And how can we use this to our advantage?

Nobody likes getting rejected from something they wanted, so you really can’t stop rejection from hurting. You can, however, control what comes after – the decreased BDNF levels and neuroplasticity will only hurt you if you linger in your own failures too long.

Although human brains evolved to register social rejection as a neural threat—activating the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex in a manner virtually identical to physical pain (Eisenberger) —this evolutionary design can be reframed as a powerful engine for social intelligence. When relational belonging is threatened, the brain activates what researchers term the "social monitoring system," heightened neural processing that sharpens social perception (Pickett). It is also known as being aware of what goes on. “Rather than interpreting the acute discomfort of rejection as a signal to withdraw, individuals can use this hyper-awareness to decode nonverbal cues, vocal tones, and micro-expressions more accurately in future interactions” (Pickett). The pain itself serves as a high-priority calibration signal, nudging the brain to gather vital contextual feedback about group dynamics and refine interpersonal strategies.

This brings us to arguably one of the most effective ways to use rejection in a neurologically beneficial way: rejection therapy. Research shows that “experiencing or anticipating rejection activates fundamental reaffiliation motives, driving individuals to seek new, positive social connections and show enhanced empathy toward cooperative partners” (Maner, DeWal). “By recognizing that rejection anxiety is an evolutionary alarm system designed to preserve social bonds,” individuals can consciously redirect that arousal away from defensive self-protection and toward building genuine rapport, improving communication skills, and cultivating resilient professional and personal networks (Baumeister & Leary).

Being aware of what goes on inside your brain is empowering not just because it helps you understand your thought process better, but also because it's the first step toward learning how to control who you become. You start by understanding rejection, then you learn how to react to it.

Final Thoughts

Rejection therapy follows a pathway, as constant exposure to rejection allows you to achieve this state of hyperawareness rather than allowing yourself to be dysregulated by it. By intentionally and consistently exposing yourself to failures and rejection, your brain will ultimately learn to “override” your survival instincts and shorten the “recovery times” after each rejection. That way, you spend less time spiraling and more time improving, leading to long-term success.

Now that you understand this phenomenon, are you ready to face your next rejection?